Bonding outside the “Golden Heart” pub, Spitalfields, London. Photo: habeebee/Flickr.
In a video dubbed ‘Bill Maher vs Feminism,’ the comic discloses that he’s the last of his “guy friends to have never gotten married” and that they’re wives “don’t want them playing” with him. He then likens himself to the escaped slave whom “brings news of freedom.”
The studio audience roars, being confronted with the unabashed perspective of a social maverick. Wives and their hoodwinked male co-conspirators snicker as a sort of redemption for their past treachery. After all, it couldn’t have happened to a better group of guys.
Comedians have the gift of reframing somber experiences as jovial. Unequipped with such an elaborate soap box to stand on, I silently watch many of my committed buddies drift a little further away with each passing day. Although ever-stoic outwardly, a jabbing pain sometimes surfaces.
It’s not something I blame my brethren for, nor their wives, nor myself, nor the passage of time. We make friends out of people we can relate to, and once we cease to relate to them, they cease to be our friends.
However, out all the forces at play, women have done much to destroy male bonds when it’s suited their purposes. As a result, far too many men have foolishly squandered lifelong friendships due to their wives’ influence.
Like drug addicts, they’ve sold off their self-respect and integrity for their next pussy fix. Many so hazed-up by monotony, compromised by their wives’ ever-growing demands, and subverted by Big Sister, that the path of least resistance appears to be the only one.
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Be useful, valuable, or be shit listed
In the game of social interactions women pick winners and losers with far more zeal than men. They then report their findings to their significant other, attempting to make his view of his friends more consistent with her own.
A man’s companions are appreciated for how pleasant they are to be around, their character, the quality of their insights, the history he shares with them, etc.
The benefits he derives from his circle of male companions, independent of how said association makes her feel, is irrelevant. As a woman holds no special emotional stake in her SO’s friends, she judges them with ruthless criteria inherent to females. Couple this with possible jealously, and an evolutionary urge to shape her SO’s beliefs, and you have the rough rationale why sexually-relevant women are so likely to cause harm to their husband’s friendships.
Here’s how she appraises male friends:
1. Influence: Does his lifestyle and opinions affect her SO positively or negatively? Of course, the factors that are perceived as ”good” or “bad” comes down to what strengthens her authority over her SO, and what weakens it.
2. Likability: Does she feel comfortable in his presence, and does she like him as a person? How likeable he is to her SO doesn’t mean diddley.
3. Utility: Here, utility is defined as a man’s willingness to spread resources and privileges, among others in his tribe as well as to his kin. The tinier the proportion he allots to himself, the better. Does he have a woman (or family) that he puts before himself? If so, he is seen as preselected and useful (to women), thus making him a “good man.” A bachelor is a married woman’s first suspect as he lives for himself, and not for the benefit of women.
4. Status/Money: A fashion-forward bud with a prestigious job and power is seen as an asset to the tribe. Bearded slackers, sloppy dressers, or frugal living eccentrics on the other hand, aren’t worthy of being graced with her royal presence. The horror!! What if the paparazzi were to spot her in the vicinity of peasants?! Sexual selection comes into play here as a woman is likely to frown upon friends that are omega males, and possibly lower ranking betas.
5. Fuck-ups: Unfavorable second-hand information (often gathered by SO), behaviors she doesn’t approve of, etc. will be callously recorded without much hope for forgiveness. If too many fuck-ups stack up against him, he’ll be shit-listed and separated from her SO by any means possible. One big fuck-up will obviously result in swift expulsion.
6. Susceptibility to manipulation: Can the friend be used in order to gain greater influence over her SO? Will he spy, do legwork, serve as a bodyguard, or provide resources if cajoled? Lower ranking males are tolerated if they’re useful. Pity this puts them at risk of being placed on the chopping block if they learn “too much.”
Buddy sabotage for purely selfish reasons
1. Jealousy: A friend may be shit-listed for being too good of a friend to her SO. He may favourably meet all the criteria above but have a tendency to tempt her SO to engage in mancentric activities: ex. concerts (outside of her tastes), sporting events, pub visits (when not enough women are present), etc.
2. She has no friends: Wives with a non-existent social life got that way for a reason. It would be logical for an isolated wife to encourage her SO’s socializing so she can join in make new contacts herself. Sadly, it’s more common that she’ll alienate people or systematically turn her SO against his friends when he’s already annoyed at the man in question. It may take just a little push for her to get rid of an undesired friend if timed right.
3. Pre-marriage chums: As a wive’s tireless goal is to change her husband, old friends that knew her SO before he wed impede her progress. These friend’s fondly remember the man her SO once was before she domesticated him. They bring out glimpses of her SO’s old self, much to her discomfort. In order for her SO to be fully reborn in the image she desires she needs to destroy his attachment to his past.
Note: If this protocol strikes you as dreary, or downright sociopathic it is because it is not meant to reflect an individual woman’s inclinations necessarily. Rather, it’s a mishmash of toxic behavior intended to serve as a warning to men.
–Photo: habeebee/Flickr